Angry drivers are people too

I have a million things I've been meaning to post about.  

Like what my life is like now that school has started.

Or an essay contest I just entered, and how amazingly helpful people were in editing and giving advice on my paper. 

Seriously, the kindness they showed make me want to love everyone I meet!

  I read a post this morning on my friends blog who also lost a baby boy.

She talked about how in honor of her son she has become better at recognizing that every person she encounters is a person, and they may be having the worst day ever. 

We just never know. 

So we need to be kinder to people. 

And when I read her post, I totally knew what she meant. 

Since the death of my son, I have an increased ability to empathize and give people the benefit of the doubt , even if I haven't had the exact same thing happen. 

The whole point of this post is, I don't do this as often as I should.

For instance, yesterday when a totally obnoxious lady yelled out her window that I'm an idiot because the speed limit is 25 mph and I need to wake up and stop being so stupid..  

(Apparently she thought I was riding her tail, and she was a little upset about it..)

Instead of just giving her the benefit of the doubt (maybe her hamster just died, or she has had a stressful day).

I made an effort to smile and wave at her just because I knew it would make her more mad.

I mean, yes she was going 23 mph and I was in a hurry. 

But what I should have done is yelled out the window "Ok sorry!" Or just not waved sarcastically. 

So obviously, this is something I need to be better at. 

I didn't feel bad about it yesterday. And now I kind of do.

And feeling bad about it is the first step right? 

Hm.

50 Years

We celebrated my Grandparents golden anniversary last Saturday.

50 years of being married to your love? That definitely calls for a celebration! 

 My Mom and Aunts planned a surprise dinner, where we all met up, ate delicious food, took lots of pictures, watched family videos, and gave lots of gifts.

It was a blast! 

I have the best family in the world.. 

Also when I say took lots of pics, I wasn't kidding. 

 






 *Surprise!*










My mom made them those golden anniversary badges to wear, aren't they awesome??

Anyway, you can tell I was just loving it the whole time. 

I just love parties.

And love. 

Congrats on 50 years to my Grandma and Grandpa Phair! 

Miss the Mr.

 3 posts in one day?

 That's unheard of over here.

 Mostly I'm just avoiding the loads of reading I have to do.

 I've had 14 hour days the past couple of days. 

That's not going to change, and that's ok because as of right now, I don't mind it. (Unless I'm hungry, then I definitely mind it.) 

Except, I miss Jon. 

We are both busy, so the best part of the day is when I get to see him in the evenings (close tie to whenever I get to eat...) 

Tonight, I don't get to see him. 

Our schedules don't allow us to see each other during the day, and he left for Vegas a few hours ago. 

It's not what you think:)

He's taking his test there..

It's good because he was lucky to get a spot there when all of the spots were supposed to be booked in the Western states until January.. (Or he was unlucky that the power went out during his test so he had reschedule in the first place, however you wanna look at it..) 

So it's just me. 

Trying to stay on task but failing horribly. 

And dreading going to bed because I'm the biggest scaredy cat ever. 

Also, I don't even know if scaredy is a word. 

Either way, I have the worst imagination.

 It makes me hate being alone. 

My family brought up going to see Insidious 2 when it comes out. 

Secretly I really want to, but I also know I won't sleep for a month if I do. 

So I'll probably pass on that one:)

Anyway sorry this post isn't more interesting. 

And just so my friends know, if you get a text from me tonight, you know why!

I miss you sweetheart.

Come home. 

Blessed

I have some of the best people in my life!

They make me want to be better.

I had a friend bring over dinner tonight, and another brought me a beautiful rose and card yesterday.  


I've received the kindest messages and texts. 

Seriously. 

It's amazing how one thing can just make your whole day. 

Makes me want to cry just thinking about it. 

Thank you to all. 

Scars

I had a friend invite me to a facebook group today titled: LDS Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support

I read stories from women who had lost little ones, and my heart nearly burst for them.. 

I wanted to hug them and say "I have been there, I know how it feels! You will make it through this!" 

 Sometimes, all you need is someone to believe in you. 

 I remember after Jon died, I was desperate to find stories and blogs of women who knew what I was feeling. 

The people who reached out to me during that time will always have a special place in my heart. 

I just wanted to document something I wrote on FB a few days ago, because the purpose of this blog is to portray honesty. 

Especially so that if anyone comes here in search of comfort or someone who can relate to them, they will find hope as well as the reality that there are still hard times. 

I want people to know that it doesn't mean you are weak if you are hurting long after the event took place. 

It means that you are human. 

You aren't supposed to be able to forgo your feelings, otherwise you would never be able to empathize. 

Here it is, 

"It's one of those really painful days. 

Maybe because yesterday was the 4 month mark from when we took our sweet baby off life support. 

Maybe it was the smell of him from his blanket that was sitting in our closet, the journal entries, or the pictures and video that we have with him in his last moments. 

It was as if I was living those tragic and sacred days all over again. 

Sometimes all my spirit needs is to stop pretending like I'm ok and allow myself to feel the heart ache, 

because it is then that I can truly be strengthened and healed. 

It's when I acknowledge that I'm having a hard time, 

that I miss him, 

and that all I know how to do is cry and hope..

 it's those times that I can genuinely thank the Lord for loving me enough to hurt me. 

Thank him for helping me become who He needs me to be, and become the mother I hope to be one day. 

Until then, I learn, I hope, I grow, and I continue forward. 

Knowing all along my future is being prepared by Him, and that hopefully I can one day know that I met His high expectations. 

I'm gonna make it through this. I know it."

You can see, I'm still in pain. 

But the degree of pain can't be felt through words alone. 

It's the type of pain that can't be removed by anything or anyone except the Savior himself. 

But maybe that's the beautiful part about it. 

 Either way, I know that one thing is certain: 

 There is no pain without purpose. 

 We need to remember that He's the gardener, He knows what He's doing, and He loves us unconditionally. 

 He can perform any miracle.

  Because of that, there is "purpose in all things." 

 He will make up for every tear. 

 He will heal every scar. 

 You are not alone. 

August via Google




As you can see, the month of August was filled with trying yummy recipes, getting my craft and decorating on, finally deciding to try snap chat, and dreaming about the future. Particularly in the category of our future babies. 

Baby hunger is real thing people. 

I've always thought it was one of those things that you THINK you want so you use it as an excuse.. 

Boy was I naive..

Definitely real. 

Also, you would think losing my own baby would cause me to not want to be around other babies. 

Nope, it's the exact opposite! 

I absolutely love it. 

How does that work? 

I have no idea.. 

I miss Jon Gabriel ALL the time. 

And I guess being around babies reminds me of him in a good way?

Who knows..

I guess I'll just have to spend my time holding everyone else's babies and being content with my life as it is right now:) 

That's hard to do. 

But hey, maybe I'll learn something from it. 

Not that I haven't already. 

Wow this post went no where near where I intended it to go!

So there's my month of August via Google search:)

What was yours like?:) 

First Day.

I have a confession to make. 

This is a no judge zone right? 

Here it is: 

I was stoked for school to start!

(So stoked that I went to the wrong class and once I realize it was the wrong class I sat through it because I was too embarrassed to leave in the middle of it.. Haha oops) 

Although I haven't really told anyone, I've been pretty excited. 

I realize this doesn't make a whole lot of sense, especially considering the fact that I'm a senior.  

I should be getting major senioritis. 

Let's be honest, I probably will as soon as I get assigned to read three chapters that I'll be quizzed on as well as a write a proposal for a research paper.. (Which is bound to happen any day now!) 

But for now, I'm enjoying it. 

Why? 

Well as far as I can think of there are two reasons. 

1.  I love the feeling of new. 

New schedule, new classes, new internship, new books, new opportunities, new people.. 

2. I absolutely love my course of study! (Exercise and Wellness with a minor in Communications)

It's just about everything I love. 

 Jon is a little less excited than me. 

I guess Microbiology and Chemistry isn't everything he loves.. 

But he is excited about the new bike his Dad got him:) 

Now we won't have to figure out how to coordinate two schedules with only one car (Jon's jeep is currently needing a little fixer upper that we don't want to pay for.. You know how that goes..)

 I took some pics of him with his bike. 

The whole time I was telling him to just look at the camera..








He thinks he's funny.. 

Now to begin our senior years together:) 

We've got to enjoy it while we can.. 

Because I know even though we get worn out living the BYU life, 

years from now we'll look back and think

"Those were good times.." 

One Year


Anniversary weekend via iphone 




 




 


  


We had a lot of fun celebrating our Anniversary in Park City this weekend. 

It was fun to go back and remember all the places we went when we were there last year. The leaves were starting to change colors, it smelled like rain, and it was perfect in every way. 

Also it was a plus that the outlets had 40% off on everything! (Did you like my new shoes??) :)

We went to the yummiest steak house, and they gave us free dessert! 

Which was to die for. 

I literally had dreams about it that night. 

Jon had dreams about the steak I'm sure:) 

Also that massive burrito?  

Have you ever seen anything like it? 

It was from the Blue Iguana. 

It looked like a heart attack on a plate.

Overall, it was a great weekend:) 

And a great year with Jon. 

I'm currently writing a post about our first year together, so stay tuned:) 

Crazy Eyes

Yesterday I got eyelash extensions. 

I loved having them for my wedding, but I never got them filled again for some reason. 

I know this isn't an interesting topic by itself.. 

But when you work in an office where a bunch of maintenance men come in and out, it gets interesting..

My favorite quotes thus far: 

"WOW! Look at them lashes!" 

"What'd you do to your eyes? " 

"You look a lot more beautiful!" (Thanks?!) 

 "I bet Jon loves them! He loves them right?"

"I can't even recognize you.." 

"Cool eyes." 

Well I was goin for the natural look.. But apparently that didn't work..

 
Haha oh well:) 

Jon and I are headed to Park City soon to celebrate our one year anniversary:) 

Jon surprised me by getting the same room we stayed in on our honeymoon. 

We are excited to get away! 

Have a good weekend everybody! 

Arkansas


Jon and I went to Arkansas this past week to visit some good friends and celebrate his Mcat being over:) 

 The chain of events were supposed to go as follows: 

-Jon takes the Mcat, and is FINALLY finished with that horrible test.

-We fly to Arkansas the next day.

How the chain of events ACTUALLY went: 

-Jon took the Mcat, and the POWER went out half way through..

-He didn't get to finish. He had to reschedule and take it in September. 

-Then we flew out the next day.

Can you think of anything more depressing? 

Ok you probably can. 

*Visiting me at work right before going to take the Mcat, isn't he just the cutest thing??:)*

But I was pretty bummed, even more bummed than him.. (how does that work?) He was thinking: "Well I'll get some extra time to study and now I know what to expect."And I'm thinking our lives are over. Obviously they aren't, and it didn't affect our time in Arkansas. We had a blast. Thanks to the Beheshti's! They were so much fun to hang out with. I didn't get a ton of pics, but I got a few.  

Check it out:)
*Layovers though..*
*His shoulder hurt, so I gave him my cold lemonade to put on it. He slept like this for a good hour..*
*Coach Steve* 
*I lasted for about 6 mins and then I headed for the pool..*
*Emma*

*She's just about the cutest thing ever..*
*Walks*
*His adorable umbrella..*
*He gave me this flower he found on the ground  ♥ So romantic:)  *
*Chase* 
 
*Tea parties*
*These two..*

 
*Boxin*
*If you're wondering if he gets sick of the camera in his face all the time, the answer is yes..*
*He's a good sport about it though..:) * 

*Also hello good lookin..* 
 *You're about to see a whole lot of golfing pics.. AKA I had a lot more fun taking random pictures (After you hit it in the pond for the 4th time it's just not fun anymore..)*
 *Pretending I'm legit.*
 *This red wasp thing freaked me out.. So I took a pic*
*This is a great example of horrible form*
*Little Jackson*
*That tiny finger.. haha he's adorable*
*His Duck Dynasty shirt that Karen bought him.. He loves it* 
*Free stylin.*
*Pretty sure he thought I was crazy..*
Those were some random pics from the week. 

It was a week of sports, eating, sleeping,  shopping, Jon getting to shadow, playing, and enjoying the last few moments of summer. 

Now to celebrate our Anniversary weekend:) And then it's back to the grind. 

Peace out summer 2013! 

You will be missed. 

Late night confessions

So, I'm on the other side of the country, currently. 

Jon and I are staying in Arkansas with some good friends. 

We've had SO much fun! I'll talk more about it later. 

I had all kinds of reasons for this late night post, but mostly it stems from something that's been on my mind lately. 

It's more of a confession. 

Here it goes.. 

I have never had a macaroon..

And I want one. 

I see all these pretty pictures of them on some of my favorite blogs, and they just look so yummy and adorable. 

                                

And I haven't even had one. 

That bothers me. 

A lot. 

That's gonna be my goal to complete before summer is over. 

Try a macaroon.. 

It probably should be to lose weight or go running or get the study organized or whatever. 

Oh well. 

Also I'm really tired right now. 

Like, it's past midnight and I've been forcing my eyes open for the past hour but I havent gone to bed because this chair is too comfy to get out of..

That kind of tired. 

Jon would have come to get me by now, but he's playing games in the basement. 

I'll probably end up asleep in this chair i'm sitting in if we're being completely honest. 

Does that ever happen to you??

 K I'm done now. 

 Night:)

 (pics via pinterest)

A Miracle for Eric and Briana

I'm out of town this week, but when I heard about this family (from a friends blog)  I just couldn't help but share!

Their names are Eric and Briana Hoffman. 

They have 3 daughters. 

Their oldest, Elena Noel (who was 2 at the time), was diagnosed with high risk Leukemia in 2010 and they have battled treatments for 2 and a half years (during which Eric was still in school) and they are praying it will stay away. 

Their second child, Lily Marguerite, has had unexplained medical problems which have required lots of testing and visits with specialists. 

Their third child, Kate Nicole, was born recently at 38 weeks, and was stillborn. 

I can't imagine the heartbreak. 

So much tragedy for one small family. 

Eric's sister, Amy, has set up a fund to help pay the medical expenses. 

She says her family has witnessed them do everything humanely possible to keep up with the bills but it is too much.

Many of us know how quickly medical bills can pile up after even just one trip to the doctor. 

I can only imagine the financial strain they are in.  

Read more about the story, and make a contribution here:

Any little bit helps. 

Lets share their story, and help answer the prayers of this amazing family!



Sonic, Skirts, and Best friends

First off I'd like to start off with an apology to all my FB friends. 

I officially have become that person that requests their friends to send them things they need for a game. 

I never wanted to become this, but based on the fact that it's what I had to do to get past level 35 on Candy Crush..

It had to be done. 

Please don't hate. 

Also, 

I wish I had some amazing stories or thoughts to share.

But, as many of you know, my life lately looks like this..  

Getting home from work, then watching Jon study while I try to be productive. 

It's pretty eventful as you can tell.  

As you probably guessed from the title, there are at least a few things going on besides the above.

Yesterday I was at a store trying on some super cute skirts that were on sale. 

The problem was (as always) I had narrowed it down to two, and I couldn't decide which one to get.

I texted one of my best friends, Jenessa, and said: 

"Are you busy??" 

No reply. 

"Jeness this is an EMERGENCY!"

Immediately my phone rang. 

Probably because she thought I was being kidnapped or I was stranded in the desert or something really bad. 

"Madds are you ok?" 

"Yeah I just don't know which skirt to get.." 

I was expecting her first response to be ' are you kidding me.. '

But she responded, "Me neither."

Turns out she was in the dressing room of the store right NEXT to me. 

It was a miracle. 

So then she came over and convinced me I should get both, because WORTH IT, and then I went and helped her decide on what she should get. 

Also she didn't even judge me for looking all gross from work. 

Guess that's what best friends are for. 

Also, if you're looking for something to do with your hubs, or boyfriend, or best friend, or sister or potential future spouse you just met, or whoever:

Go to Sonic after 8 pm, and their large shakes are only 2 dollars!


   Jon and I went last night and their shakes were so yummy, and 2 bucks?? 

Who doesn't love that.  

It was the perfect study break for Jon. 

I think his brain is just about fried. 

Yesterday I was reading on the bed and he came in the room and casually announced,

"Oh Madds, I found your eye thing." 

"What 'eye' thing?" 

"Your eye thingy, I found it." 

"Umm... I'm really sorry but I have no idea what you're talking about." 

He holds it up. 

"You mean my I pod??" 

Hahahaha 

I died of laughter. 

Memorable Mondays + Blog Hoppin

So, considering the fact that I am tired and have an unreal amount of things to get done today, I first named this post "Miserable Mondays".

I think we can all agree to the fact that they can be pretty miserable!

Then I decided that I could make it miserable, or I could make it memorable. 

We'll see how that works out:) 

But I do have some good news! 

Two things. 

1. I finally like my new blog header (Ok this is probably just good news to me, but the other ones I made were no bueno)

K the real news is

2. I'm a co host for a blog hop hosted by Breanna from My Beautiful Crazy Life! 

Seriously, she's awesome. I started following her after I read a post about how she decided to figure out how to design her own blog so she could get the look she wanted. 

I'm no designer in the least, but that was inspiring to me!

So I tried to design my blog on my own.

It's not even close to perfect! And let's be honest, I may give in and find a designer someday, 

but for now I can spend my cash elsewhere.. 

Like maybe on some of these cute maxis (20$?! great deal) from Brickyard Buffalo

 :)

Introducing:
 



 //RULES//

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 +Frankly the only rule I care much about is to visit at least 2 or 3 other links and follow them :)

 I want you guys to connect and make some friends that you might not have found otherwise.


 +It's always an added bonus if you care to follow me as well as all the co-hosts because well we want to be your friend too! 
 +If you feel like it please share the button below on your page so others can join in too! 


>
>  
 GRAB A BUTTON & SHARE THIS HOP WITH YOUR FRIENDS :)  Hope you have a great time hopping!

Word to the Wise



I'm a lot happier when I'm not worrying about ever little detail. 

Life will never be absolutely perfect. 

It's not supposed to be:) 

At the end of the day, you just have to ask yourself..

"Who cares?"

Chill

I'll just say it. 

I was the biggest grump this morning. 

And the worst part is that I can't even think of a good reason.. 

I didn't stub my toe. 

My hair wasn't being difficult (THIS ISN'T THE NORM) 

I got a decent amount of sleep. 

I ate a good breakfast. 

Jon was being his normal nice self. 

And I was going to be on time to work. 

So why the moodiness? 

I still have no idea. 

All I know is that when Jon couldn't hear what I said, so I repeated it, and he couldn't hear again I just said, 

"K wow nothing!" 

He probably tried not to laugh because why would I even be like that? 

 I still don't know. 

All I know is that it has led me to two things. 

1. I feel just a tad bit guilty because he didn't deserve that, and I've acted a lot better in a lot worse situations. 

2. I need to chill. 

Once I awknowledged that I was a brat for no reason and texted Jon and asked him to forgive me (he did.. as always), the day got so much better. 

I have a lot to be grateful for. 

Also, I love him.

July via Google

Today I was typing something into google and I noticed my search history. 

It occurred to me how much you can get to know someone just by looking at things they look for on google. 

For example, I could tell you that this month I surfed at the beach (attempted to surf would be more accurate), or you could see from my search history that I googled: 


Ya know?

My search history from this month would give you all the deets (almost) about my July 2013, without you having to read some really long boring post about my month (since I haven't updated in a while, it would be realllllly long), and you get a glimpse into my life. 

That could be good or bad. 

Introducing! 


















And there you have it! 

My July summed up in google searches:) 

Obviously that's not ALL that went on. 

But this gives a pretty good summary. 

What did you google this month? :)